its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
