Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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