I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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