Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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