what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
