Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
