i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
