rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize