My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
