you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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