How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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