Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Floor bacon is actually really good
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
