I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
