I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
