I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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