Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
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