Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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