Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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