those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
