i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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