i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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