bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
