Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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