I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
