I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
