I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
