TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
