His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
