when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
