Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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