Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
