Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
