actually, I'm a sock model
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
