I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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