Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
