some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
