Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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