Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Drake has all the answers
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
