Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize