Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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