i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
