Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
