I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
