You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
