Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
