before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
