come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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