I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
