i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize