a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
