I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
