i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
