How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
