come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
