I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize