my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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