i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
