He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
