I CAN MOONWALK!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
