i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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