Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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