My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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