If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Enjoy the penises
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
