Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
