i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
