Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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