So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
